Living with anxiety
For years & years the symptoms had always been there. However I was in denial about it all and I never wanted to admit the fact that I suffer with mental health issues as when I was a teenager it wasn't as common for people to speak so freely about it.
I used to have random angry outbursts, I'd absolutely hate it if something wasn't done the way I had planned in my head, it was either my way or no way and thats pretty much the same to this day.
I panic, obsess and I overthink the craziest scenarios over and over. Why am I constantly panicking?
On the outside I appear to be a really confident woman to most but on the inside I am an absolute nervous wreck, I even physically shake and can appear 'flushed' some days (my face would go as red as a tomato).
I would let everything build up and up before one day I would just explode, then that person would get the backlash of everything they had ever done to me since the day we met!
Having anxiety is like being scared and tired at the same time. It's the fear of failure but no urge to be productive. It's wanting friends but not wanting to socialise. It's wanting to be alone but not wanting to be lonely. It's caring about everything then caring about nothing. It's feeling everything at once and then feeling paralysingly numb.
One of the main questions I get asked is;
What are you panicking about?
To tell you the truth I wish I could tell you because half of the time I don't even know myself!
When I was younger and I went to my local shopping centre I would walk into a shop and instantly freak out, I'd start sweating so much to the point where I had to get out of the shop! Was I scared of shopping? Bumping in to people? I have no idea.
I obsess over things that other people may not even notice! A simple word is enough for my head to start processing & rewinding the situation over and over in my head... for a long period of time!
My mind is constantly on overdrive & can lead me to being mentally exhausted, it can burn up most of my energy to the point where I can't function properly so I just want to stay in bed, which can be an absolute pain as how will I ever get anything done if I'm tired all the time?
I kept my anxiety hidden for a very long time, and I did it quite well may I add. The one thing I hate is how vulnerable it makes me. If you also suffer from it too, please don't bottle it up! Talk to your friends about it as this way you can let them know how they can help you.
Some days can be a constant struggle, my mind tricks me in to believing that nothing can go right but I am more than hopeful that I will pull through it all, I will beat it.
I have started doing self development & its proving to work wonders. Meditation is also a good shout too, did you know a positive thought is 10x stronger than a negative one? I didn't either until I started working on me.
Find the things that make you happy & hold on to them!
Listen to motivational speeches, do anything you can to keep yourself in that positive mood. Get rid of the neg heads & surround yourself with people you aspire to be like & only then I believe we can truly beat this mental state.
I will list a few of my favourite self development books below
Rhonda Byrne - The Secret
Rhonda Byrne - The Secret Daily Teachings
Susan Jeffers - Feel The Fear & Do It Anyway
I also have a couple of random books with uplifting quotes in them
Topshop - You Are So Awesome
WHSmith - The Little Book Of Confidence
If you know anyone who is also suffering with anxiety, please let them know that they are not alone. Share this blog with them as it may help!